Did you know that your relationship cycles through different stages? Well, it does and each one requires a little something different. But the common thread is love and understanding. They are the keys to getting through the difficult parts and popping out the other side stronger, with more love and intimacy.
So let’s have a look at each stage of your relationship
Stage one: the Honeymoon Stage
Stage one of a relationship is the stage we all love. It’s when we first meet our beloved and everything is rosy.
We are more willing to make sacrifices and somehow magically seems to not see all the things that may come to annoy us later in the relationship!
But be careful!!
When we are so caught up in the flutter of our excited hearts we often let things slide. This can cause problems later on so it’s important to set good boundaries right from the start.
Stage two: Individual differences
This is when the rose coloured glasses come off and we start to see the things we didn’t notice before.
This is the stage of the relationship when differences show up in so many ways. The way we think about certain things, our expectations, our likes and dislikes and if you have moved in together they way to live.
This is when we have to start to have empowered conversations about our needs and expectations. When we really need to put in boundaries if we didn’t in stage one.
We also need to look at how our partner is holding a mirror up to us.
And ask yourself –
- What are they showing me about myself?
- And how am I outsourcing my needs to another?
And this can be a major shift in thinking from just blaming and criticising.
Our relationships and our partner are major teachers and if we are ready to do the work and hold up that mirror so much can be gained that will strengthen you as a person and your relationship with your beloved.
This is a really important part of the relationship. Differences do not have to mean problems. They can and may develop into problems if you do not address them or they can just be part of the fabric of the relationship.
No two people are going to agree with everything the other person says thinks or does. When issues arise you need to talk about them and work through them. They will not go away and change will not happen if it’s not addressed.
Tyring to ignore things is not a good solution. You need to be empowered and speak your truth in a loving and caring way. If you don’t you will eventually end up in stage 3.
Stage three: Conflict
You can’t have an intimate relationship without conflict.
It’s a natural stage of a relationship and it requires a lot of skill to work through with love and respect.
But it does have to be vicious and painful. And it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. It’s just a natural stage of any relationship.
You just need to learn how to deal with conflict in an empowered and loving way. It’s an opportunity to grow not only as a person but also as a couple.
There are often a lot of built-up emotions and energy by the time you get to this stage. especially if you have not tried to discuss issues in stage 2.
If the discussion turns nasty or violent then you need to walk away and have some space to let the emotions settle.
I have written a whole post on Language for empowered conflict resolution.
Have a look it’s full of great ideas and strategies you can use.
Stage Four of a relationship
There are two possible outcomes after you pass through stage 3. You either made it out the other side or you don’t make it at all.
So let’s look at them each individually.
The Golden Afterglow Stage
This is when you make it through the conflict and find yourselves closer and happier again. It feels warm, loving and it’s beautiful. You have spoken your truth, sort through your issues and have come back together. You have chosen the path of love and commitment.
And you are feeling more love for each other than you may have felt for a while. It’s all nice and rosy again. You feel heard and respected as does your partner.
Life and your relationship are good.
The Separation Stage
This is when the conflict, the words spoken and your needs and differences make it too hard to stay together.
You decide to end things and move on.
It can be a sad a difficult time or it could be a time of great relief.
You can leave as friends, enemies or somewhere in between, it all depends on the level of pain and the skills you have as an individual and couple.
Of course the more harmonious you can separate the better. Because not only will things be easier after you also won’t have to reincarnate together again to work it all out in another life!
So there you have it the 5 stages of a relationship. How we cycle through our relationships. It’s not always smooth sailing, we are meant to help each other grow and relationships are where we get some of the most growth available to us. We just have to know how to navigate them.
If you are having troubles with your beloved and want some help get in touch and we can do a relationship healing. Or a series of them depending on what’s going on.
I’d love to help xx
- Couples Healing to lift and shift your relationship
- Language and strategies for empowered conflict resolution